Age does not diminish the extreme disappointment of having a scoop of ice cream fall from the cone.

I just don't know what else to say.

“The best things in life are silly”

Hi.  My name is Julie and I am silly.  I have always been silly and I always will be silly.  I think it is one of my best traits.  I can see it in Abby already and I am delighted.  Silliness, at the right times, can make people smile...and that is the best thing in the world.  

Here are some silly things in my life:

• Abby saying "when people say 'poopy-butt', it makes my heart hurt"
• Shane's face when I do my imitation of his "dice" move
• Cooper saying "oh my gosh", "oh no", "oh jeez" for each step he takes
• JB and Shane discussing "can I make a suggestion?"
• LaRae's & my obsession with panic attacks
• Shanna's talent after a couple beers
• Putt-putt (ask KB)
• Abby wanting to give a gondola as a birthday gift
• My new favorite picture of my best guy...
• Real Housewives of NYC...Team Jill

“Tenderness and kindness are not signs of weakness and despair but manifestations of strength and resolution”

I have made a 2nd New Year's resolution. Yes, I know that is almost April, but...better late than never! And it is more than a resolution...more like a lifestyle change. I am determined to be kinder, more pensive, and less judgemental. Not that I was a raging bitch before, but I feel like I can improve in those areas. I think everyone could. Many things I say/do are misunderstood as being dishonorable, when I am not meaning them in that way. I want to live with more honor and be proud of myself at the end of the day. I want to go to sleep with a clear conscience each night, knowing that I was the best person I could possibly be that day. So here is a small listing of my little ways on my journey to being a higher quality person:

• Giving someone else the last bit of iced tea, while waiting for the next pot to brew
• Not getting angry when that Altima cut me off on the merging lanes
• Taking time to understand why Abby is freaking out, as opposed to rushing to judgement
• Being more concerned for the health of my loved ones
• Biting my lip (very hard)
• Supporting my friends in every aspect of their life
• Eliminating toxic people from my life
• Instead of interjecting my opinion/thoughts/life story when a friend is venting, be a open ear
• Getting more accomplished at work...not that I was slacking, but just need to remain more focused
• SAYING I'M SORRY when apologies are due...not waiting until it is too late
• Less crass, more class
• Trying to keep the f-bomb to a minimum (really freaking hard!)

I have only been on this kick since Friday night, but it is getting easier each day. So hopefully, the "new" me won't be a watered down version of my old self, just a more valuable one.

Brisket, angel food cake and free babysitting...

An odd, but wonderful, combination. Last night was Shane's dad's birthday (59 years young!!) and we went over for dinner. The only job I was given was to slice the brisket. That seems to be my unofficial job when I head over to their house for any meal...slicing the meat. It gives me quite a bit of satisfaction to have this responsibility, since I never thought of myself as a meat-slicing kind of gal. :) We enjoyed this delicious brisket, fresh mashed potatoes, the best baked beans ever (Andrea Frazier...you rock!) and good company. Then, there was angel food cake with strawberries and ice cream. Again, enough food to feed Octomom's brood...never a lack of anything at the Peters' house! Larry made the announcement that the girls were staying with them that night. Wait...dinner, dessert, booze, AND a kiddo free night and morning?? OK...who do I have to kill and where do they live?? So needed and appreciated!

Once we got home, We (being an old married couple) crawled into bed, watched some Intervention and passed out. Getting ready this morning was smooth and simple. No baby talk, no diaper changes, no screaming of "I want to wear my flip flops and party dress to school", no arguing about the merits of braids vs. ponytails. No...the following are the true events of this morning. Long shower...which included exfoliation and double conditioning of my hair. Dried AND curled my hair. Put on my makeup outside of a vehicle for the first time in about 6 months. Ironed Shane's work shirt--I love doing it--very housewife of me. Made smoothies for Shane & I. Peacefully let Jake out and admired the calmness that was surrounding me. All this and still made it to work about 40 minutes EARLY. Is this what my life would be like on a daily basis?? To just worry about Shane and myself? Wow...it would be a drastic change. But not necessarily a good change. I love my hectic mornings. They give me character and make me feel like Superwoman when I don't show up at work looking like a Gremlin on speed. But mini-vacation like this morning is a welcome reprieve every now and then. :)

I don't know whether to keep silent and let people think I am ignorant or open my mouth and release all doubts

At what point does sharing your problems/hopes/dreams/issues with your friends become too much info?  That is a question I have always had.  I live my life like an open book...what you see is what you get.  As I have stated many times before, I am by no means perfect--never have been, never will be.  Why can't I share everything in my life with the people closest to me...it's cathartic to let it all out--the good, the bad & the ugly.  So why is it after I am done unloading, I feel guilty and somewhat dirty??  I am the kind of person who needs that release to send my joys and issues out into the universe where they can be applauded or solved.  But not everyone feels that way.  So...the happy medium is my next goal. 

My favorite jeans...

I don't fit into them. I haven't worn them in well over 7 years. But I am determined to fit into them by late June. When I wear them I feel like a rockstar. This is my only goal now.

A little wood never hurt anyone...

Well...I am in love with my deck.  The minute I step outside, I am blown away by the sheer beauty of it.  As most of you know, I used to have the standard 10x10 concrete slab sticking off the back of my house.  Now, I have this 37 x 11.5 monstrosity you can see from space.  I feel like I have won the contest of who has the bigger set contest.  I spent my Saturday night freezing my ass off drinking ice cold beer.  Yet, I had a completely wonderful time.  The deck has already paid for itself, in that Shane and I spent the best quality time that we have had in quite a few months.  :)  I am continually blessed to have awesome friends and family who helped us out in getting my new favorite place built.  So, if you give me a buzz and I don't answer...bring over a six pack and join me in one of my uber-comfy rockers.  

The two women exchanged the kind of glance women use when no knife is handy.

I think that says it all. I feel somewhat helpless in the fact that I cannot go right up to someone and lay them out with a killer right hook. So evil glances will have to do for now. But if I hear the call "Round 'em up", the tiny bit of Silician in me will come out with a vengence, brass knuckles, cement boots, and a hardcore desire to kick some ass.

Code brown!

As my lovely friend Tylee so eloquently put it, eating like crap for 8 hours after eating healthy for 8 weeks causes major CODE BROWN. Yuck/gross...why share, you ask? It has been an epiphany of sorts for me. If you put crap into your body, crap comes out. I feel lethargic, bloated, crampy, and just generally gross after yesterday's food intake. When I was eating healthy (all of 36 hours ago, mind you), I had energy, felt lighter, and no need to bolt for the bathroom. I was going to do a week of mindless eating, enjoy myself without thinking about calorie counting or fat gram calculations, but I really can't stop thinking about what is going in my mouth (keep your dirty thoughts to yourself!). So...my week of anything goes has shrunk to one splurge a day. And today, it is the lovely Chipotle for lunch.

And it begins again...

The Biggest Loser round 2. Ding, ding, ding...

Well, round 2 is starting up next Monday. No money involved, but there is a fantastic meal prepared for us in the end. I need to lose at least 7 pounds off my current weight to make it to that meal. I am so there. I will be still hitting the gym like a spider monkey, but I will be eating normally...not so obsessed this time. If I get into the 130s, I think I will do a jig buck ass naked on the deck you can see from space...at night of course. :)

Ahh...brisket...my love...

We (brisket & myself) were reunited once again at lunchtime today. Actually, I was reunited with many friends...brisket, Ken's chocolate chip cookies, pizza, baked potato, sweet tea, and banana pudding (not all at the same time, but snacking throughout the morning). And damn...I am feeling the effects. I have not consumed that much in 2 months. The cookies came and went like a hurricane...destructive, leaving me spent and tired. Epiphany time...I cannot eat like this anymore. I feel gross and extremely overstuffed, and when I look back and realize that the lunch I ate today used to just be a blip on my daily meal intake. No wonder I was a fatty. I know now that this is no longer a casual meal, but a MAJOR splurge...calorie-wise and stomach-wise. It is just not worth it to me anymore. For the last couple of weeks, down the home stretch of my two month sabbatical from everything delicious, I realized that I am OBSESSED with food. Why?? It is not like the food I eat is made by Flay/Deen/Morimoto, garnished with black truffles/fresh microgreens/best cheddar money can buy. No, it is prepared in a flash, with little or no thought, or taste, for that matter. I am not just a foodie, but I have realized I am an EXPENSIVE foodie. I crave the menus from Top Chef and the Food Network, not Chili's or Taco Bell. I need to curb this obsession and find something else to drool over.

I am not the biggest loser...

Well, the two months has come and gone. I lost 14 pounds overall, which I shouldn't bitch about TOO much. I am fitting into clothes that I haven't worn in about 2 years and am going to keep going.

I want to thank:

• Shane for telling me how cute I look--therefore keeping me wanting to step up my game
• LaRae for keeping my ass at the gym
• Abby for patting my belly this morning and pronouncing that there is no more Hannah belly

My new goal is 100 pounds + my age by my birthday in May. So...I have about 14 more pounds to go. I am taking a well deserved week off...and then back on the wagon...

Disheartened...

I feel fat.  The night before THE weigh in...I feel fat.  Bloated and flabby.  Yuck.  I have probably consumed no more than 1000 calories all weekend, but I feel fat.  I went to the gym tonight for a last chance workout, as well to see where I stand for tomorrow's weigh in.  Worst fears confirmed...up 1.5#.  So freaking pissed off right now, I want to march into Maggie Moo's, grab a spoon and go to town.  I have worked so hard and felt that I might actually be able to do this...up until now.  Well,  we shall see how my mood is tomorrow by 8:30am.  Pray for me...