I miss my baby...

It is so hard to look at my computer monitor each day. It makes me so happy that I have been blessed with a 2nd beautiful, sweet, happy baby. She and her big sister are the reason I trod through the work day every day. However, that same sweet face makes me so sad. I want to be there for each of her waking moments...and the ones where she is sweetly sleeping. It kills me when I have to leave her in the morning, only to get home with her and usually only have 90 minutes before she goes back asleep. Today was pretty rough since most of the morning was in anticipation of Shane bringing her here after her Dr. appointment today. She was perfectly charming and snuggly to everyone, drank her bottle and proceeded to sleep in her car seat next to my desk. In my mind I was thinking..."this isn't bad, I could totally get work done." I made phone calls to vendors while feeding Hannah and kept going. I wish in a parallel universe I could spend the quality time I want with Hannah and Abby, yet still get in my much coveted adult interaction time. Oh the dilemma the working mom has to figure out. I am still working on how to be content with my situation. But in the meantime, I will just gaze at my dolly, waiting to give her kisses all over her face.

We know what you do in your spare time...

Yes, the octuplets in CA are a miracle of modern science. And I am sure that they are adorable and wonderful. They are also born out of the pure determination of a woman who single handedly wants to take on the Duggar family. The chick (I cannot stomach calling her a lady) has 6, yes 6, other children under the age of 8 at home. Correction: at her PARENT'S home!! Excuse me!!! At some point as a parent, you either super-glue your daughter's legs together, lock her up in a closet, or seriously slap some sense into her obviously vacant brain cavity. This girl likes getting busy WAY too much. To quote Fergie, "the girl can't help it." I am not stating that a large family does not have its' benefits--lots of love, never a lonely child, your own show on TLC--but doing it on your own, at your parents' house, is NOT the way to have a large family...unless your name is Dixie, you have shaggy golden hair, and have your babies in a box under the stairs.

Chiquita Banana!!!

I just felt like say, wait, yelling that to add some spice to today's dullness. This morning has dragged like none I have had in a loooooong time. I cannot get motivated to work today. My mind keeps drifting off to homeowners' taxes, Easter dresses, dinner plans for V-day, Shanna's cool scarf and how I wish the Ab Lounge folded flat. None of which are helping me enter in freight charges. It doesn't help that about 7 dozen conversation hearts are staring me in the face right now, begging for me to ingest their sugary goodness.
Yet, I am resisting temptation and munching on my Kashi granola bar, anticipating my workout at the gym. My parents are making pot roast tonight for dinner and I can already smell the savory onions, potatoes and carrots. Mouth-watering. Yet, I won't overeat and attempt to keep myself in check. I will let you know how it goes...

Burger dreams...

This sucks...I am now having burger dreams. Not just an ordinary burger. THE BURGER.

• Medium rare



• Colby cheese



• Thick cut bacon



• Plenty of pickles, tomatoes & shredded lettuce



• Mustard



• Slices of avocado



• On a TOASTED bun

I am in deep trouble when all I can dream about is a burger. Not Tom Brady, muscle cars, the beach, or any combo of the above...but a goddamned burger. I should be dreaming of sprouts, Fiber One cereal and the elliptical machine. Instead, a burger haunts me at night. I am more than in trouble...I am in my OWN PERSONAL HELL!!!

And you think your job sucks....

Once again...The Grimace has come through with yet another adolescent story:

SAN DIEGO -- A mistrial was declared Monday when a home-invasion robbery suspect smeared human feces on his attorney's face then threw more at the jury.
Weusi McGowan, 37, was upset because San Diego Superior Court Judge Jeffrey Fraser refused to remove Deputy Alternate Public Defender Jeffrey Martin from the case, prosecutor Christopher Lawson said.
At the mid-morning break, McGowan produced a plastic baggie filled with fecal matter and spread it on Martin's hair and face, then flung the excrement toward the jury box, hitting the briefcase of juror No. 9 but missing the juror himself.

"That juror didn't even see it coming," Lawson said.
The prosecutor said the defendant was compliant after the outburst and was taken into custody without further incident.
After lunch, Fraser dismissed the jury, telling them McGowan would have to get a new lawyer and that his trial would be delayed.
The judge scheduled a status conference for Feb. 9 and raised the defendant's bail from $250,000 to $1 million, finding he is a danger to the community.
Lawson said McGowan originally became upset last week when he claimed one of the jurors saw him in shackles as he entered the courtroom. Fraser dismissed all jurors who saw the defendant in shackles, the prosecutor said.
"The judge had been very fair," Lawson said. "All jurors who saw it were dismissed."
Fraser had also denied McGowan's attempt to represent himself, saying the request was untimely, Lawson said.
The prosecutor said the defendant had previously wiped human feces on himself and was examined by doctors to ensure he was mentally competent to stand trial.
McGowan is charged with kidnapping for robbery, assault with a deadly weapon and other counts and could face assault charges in connection with the attack on his attorney and jury, Lawson said.
The prosecutor said the defendant hit a man with a rock in a sock as the victim came out of his home to investigate a commotion on Oct. 17, 2007.
McGowan allegedly ransacked the man's apartment then stole some of the victim's belongings and took off in the victim's car.
He was arrested 20 minutes later, Lawson said.

Side note...I have been called for jury duty in the beginning of February...I will go medieval on someone if poop is thrown my way.

Open mouth, insert foot...

Yep...as we all are guilty of sometimes...I am on the long list of people who consistently puts their foot in their mouth (or on my keyboard...whatever!). I really try to word things to where I am perfectly clear and unoffensive to those dear to me, but sometimes my mouth runs faster and my hands type faster than they should. All of my posts will always try to be light-hearted and fun...but you will know when I mean business. So, please, please, please, if you see my foot headed towards my mouth, slap it away. If you can't get there in time, understand that I mean no harm.

Total weight loss: 7.2 pounds

Chalk one up for the big girls...

I got in two workouts this weekend and I am feeling good.  I have more energy and confidence than I have had in a long time!  The girls and I went to the outlets today to kill some time...looking for tights for Abby was my goal (found 3 pairs).  When I got to Gap, I found their super comfortable yoga capri pants on sale...and guess what size I got??  MEDIUM!!  My rear has not been in medium STRETCH pants in a very, very long time.  Now I am not saying that they are baggy or falling off my emaciated body, but I felt good enough in them to go in public.  I graced Gold's Hester with my presence tonight and burned about 310 calories...just a quick one.  And that is where the hijinks started.  I had what seemed to be a first timer at the gym next to me on the elliptical...huffing & puffing on level one (perspective...I was at 13).  She REALLY needed to step it up if you catch my drift.  So Big Fun and I were chugging away on the elliptical when brunette Barbie hops on the stair climber directly in front of Big Fun, who was not amused.  I believe the words "skinny bitch" and "vomit queen" were uttered.  So Barbie starts showing off...skipping stairs, doing leg lifts and walking backwards on the stairs...showing off, all the while not breaking a sweat.  Big Fun was getting more and more pissed, when lo and behold, Barbie (in the middle of a leg lift) does a face plant on the stairs.  I am not even kidding.  I (who am going to hell) had to stifle a giggle before genuine concern settled in.  No stifling or concern came from Big Fun.  The comment that was said straight faced (not whispered) was "Chalk one up for the big girls".  I just about fell off the machine...thank God I had just finished my water, because that would have easily shot out of my nose.  Just about the funniest damned thing I had heard in a long time.  

Grow a pair...

Hate to get obnoxious, but grow a pair. I am tired of hearing women--grown up, somewhat put-together, independent women--being doormats for their SO's/parents/kiddos. It is ridiculous. Being accomodating is one thing...being completely submissive is totally different. Quit letting people walk all over you. Tell your children "no". Tell your parents that you are 30 and no longer need unsolicited advice. Tell your SO that you do not need parenting, you need his support and love. Consider his feelings, but don't forget yours. So, grow a pair and be proud of who you are...we like you that way.

Waiting...

This may sound pathetic, cheesy, or downright old fashioned...but here I am painting my toenails waiting for the clock to strike 10:30pm when good old Shane will be walking through the door.  He's been gone since Tuesday morning and I miss him.  As much as I sometimes want to choke the crud out of him (and he to me, I'm sure), I miss him terribly when he is gone.  It's not really the warm (snoring) body in bed next to me.  It's not really the lovey-dovey glances he never gives me.  It's the way he tells me he loves me and still thinks I am cute by smacking the hell out of my rear when he walks by...still makes him (and me) smile.  :)  So here I am, waitin' for my man to be home, getting purdy.  Love you babe!

This is worse than that time the raccoon got in the copier!

That is how I am feeling right now...like a slug.  I can't keep any nutrients in me and can't stop shaking.  No, I am not going through a withdrawl of any kind...just worn out and sick.  Yuck.  My girls are with my mom and Shane is in cold ass Milwaukee, so I am by my lonesome, lethargic as hell, laying on the couch...trying to keep food in.  Yuck.  Hopefully, tomorrow I can make it to work...I am going to drive myself crazy!  

***If anyone can let me know where that quote came from, I will love you!!***

The scale is a groaning!!!

OK...I know from watching a billion seasons of Biggest Loser that the week two weigh-in is always the smallest...Some even gain weight. However, me and my overachieving butt lost a whopping .8 pounds!! Woo-hoo!! I have maintained my third place status. I need to kick it into gear so I can move up in the ranks. I missed my Thursday and Friday workouts, but dragged my tired ass to the gym on Saturday and Sunday, as well as strapped Hannah (aka sack of cute potatoes) to my chest and walked with Abby to the playground. I think my body is starting to respond to the workouts. My arms feel tighter and I do have more energy.

I also dropped serious coin yesterday at the HEB and bought healthy, yet flavorful food. Last night, I cooked my low glycemic pasta, with organic garlic lovers (I love my breath!!) sauce with an package of calamari and a extra can of crushed tomatoes. Abby declared it a victory and so did I. We both had two servings. YUM!! I was pretty proud of myself for passing (read:running) past the cake mixes and brownies and picking up a small army's worth of sugar free/fat free pudding and Jell-O packets....small victories, people!!

My workout on Friday night was great...minds out of the gutter!! I went with Shane to the Water Tank for Sarah's & Shanna's birthdays and stuck to my Diet Coke binge. I nearly knocked Shanna out to inhale her chicken nachos and had to sit on my hands when I was offered decadent cheese fries about 50 times...but I resisted. THEN, we went to Graham's. Me and my 4" heels (that I had been wearing ALL DAY) danced/two stepped/booty shook until we could not do it anymore. I kicked off the shoes and kept going. (I was wearing socks...I am not one of those people who goes barefoot at a bar!) I ripped off my sweater and looped through a belt loop and kept going. We stayed until last call and had a blast. I have to give much props to Shane for kicking it with me on the dance floor for the majority of the night...whirling and twirling me...WAY out of his comfort zone. :)

Total weight lost: 5.2 pounds

Happy Birthday Sweating to the Oldies!!

“There'll always be some weird thing about eating four grapes before you go to bed, or drinking a special tea, or buying this little bean from El Salvador.”

Sweating to the Oldies turns 20. Richard Simmons just makes this world a little bit shinier each day he is around. Candy striped shorts and tank tops with Swarovski crystals on a daily basis...wish I could be that fancy without the people around me looking at me like I was sniffing glue. Whether you are laughing at his flamboyant personality or his exuberant, almost manic, mannerisms, you still smile when you see or hear him. So raise your glass and join me in saluting R-Dogg...the duke of dieting, exercise, and loving yourself!!

Picky?? Yes. Crazy?? Hell no!!!

How many damned emails am I going to get/articles I am going to read where the grammar/punctuation/spelling is not on point?? Once I see a mistake, that is all I can fixate on. I know MSNBC/CNN/YAHOO have people to check the dreck they churn out each day....seriously...I would never let that shit slide past me. It aggravates me to no end. Don't even get me started on the Uan train...LaRae...back me up!!!

Craziness in Tampa

Yesterday, The Grimace was bugging me to blog about a monkey who was throwing feces in Tampa. Needless to say, I took his idea for a blog with a grain of salt. This is the guy who violates the fax machines and LaRae's bananas here at the office. However, I googled "Monkey throwing feces in Tampa" (Lord only knows what IT thinks of me!!) and lo and behold, there it was....

Feces-throwing monkey on the loose in Tampa Bay

CLEARWATER, Fla. – Wildlife officials said a rhesus monkey known to throw feces when mad is on the loose in Tampa Bay. Authorities have been trying to capture the primate since Tuesday afternoon, but it managed to evade a bucket truck and tranquilizer dart.
Gary Morse with the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission says the adult male is thought to have escaped from an unlicensed source. It was last seen in Clearwater.
The monkey is not considered dangerous.

All I have to say is "Bravo Chris"...for finding the most random news article yesterday. And I will never doubt you when it comes to poop news stories ever again....

Wallpaper paste and grapefruit....

Well, I am on week 2 of the Biggest Loser contest here at work. I am not only determined to do this for the coin, but I am tired of avoiding the camera. Every picture of myself in the last 5 months reminds me that I was on the right track right after I had Hannah, but then completely f-ed up. 2 weeks after I had her, I was within 2 pounds of my pre-pregnancy weight. When I weighed in last Monday, I had GAINED 8 pounds and was at the heaviest in my life when not pregnant. Absolutely ridiculous!! I deserve to feel better and look better. What doesn't help is that Shane has lost about 12 pounds in the same amount of time...ain't that some BS. I don't want us to be the skinny guy with the fat assed wife.

So this is what I am tired of:

• my stomach resembling raw biscuit dough
• double digit jeans
• three chins
• feeling tired
• the bad parts of my body jiggling while the parts that should jiggle don't!!
• my legs causing so much friction when I walk, that I nearly start a fire

This is what I want to become:

• Shane's hot wife
• the skinny sister
• crazy active
• a gym rat (again)
• wearer of bikini
• my age plus 100#

Even if I don't win the contest, I still want to meet my goal. No, I need to meet my goal. So here I am, eating my wallpaper paste (oatmeal) and half grapefruit, anticipating going to the gym at lunch with my buddy Nicole, all to make MYSELF happy...no one else.

Week 1 loss: 4.4 pounds