My kitchen is my therapy...

Anyone who knows me knows that I am obsessed with food. Not obsessed as in rolling around in a pool full of pate, but obsessed with knowing everything I can about food. I love experimenting with different foodie profiles: crunchy with smooth, savory with sweet, traditional with the unexpected. I love to cook and bake. I am the first one to admit that I, like every cook, have tasted sweet, sweet success (my Rouladens/Chicken Picatta with lemon angel hair) and suffered through bitter defeat (Abby's Hello Kitty cake--1/2 left in the pan/the pork chops with that pineapple Chipotle glaze--sounded sooo good). Sometimes Shane tastes perfectly cooked and seasoned dishes and other times, he is wishing that Mr. Gatti's was about 4 blocks closer. But I take it all stride...because my kitchen is my therapy. It gives me the chance to nurture the ones I love. It gives me a chance to shine. It gives me a chance to fall face first into a culinary disaster to only have a funny anecdote to tell people the next day. And I love the fact it gives me a chance to encourage and teach my ever helpful assistant, Miss Abby. :) So, win or lose, burnt toast or perfectly seared pork loin, my favorite place in the whole house is my kitchen, my sanctuary.

June 14th??? Really??

I haven't posted anything in forever...but I cannot believe it has been 4 months. I need to get back on the wagon. I love doing this...as it is a form of free therapy. Getting to vent about the silly crap in life is cathartic. So I want, no, need to do this. So, back on the wagon again...tomorrow.

Battle of the bulge

Sometimes...I want to kick my own ass. I bring ill-fitting waistlines and shirts that showcase my biscuit dough stomach onto myself. I have no one to blame but me. Yes, I did just have a baby...but 10 months ago. Yes, I have lost all that baby weight plus 2 pounds. But I was not happy with myself to begin with. I saw pictures of myself from when I was 17-22 years old and I pretty much felt like jumping in front of a bus. All I saw was a slimmer version of myself. But I am the only one who knows that that 25 pounds skinner me always thought that she needed to be 20 pounds thinner...and that would be the solution to all of her problems. I just want to reach inside of those pictures and shake sense and self-confidence into that girl. But, I still feel like if I lost another 10 pounds...slimmed down by a couple of sizes...that I would be so much better off. I need to dedicate more time to my health...for my husband, for my girls and most of all, for myself. Because I don't want to look at pictures of myself in another 10 years and shake my head in disappointment.

Put down the crack pipe...

This morning, I wasted 15 minutes of my time listening to a 25 year old man (a stretch) telling the local DJs here about how he was so distraught over the Adam Lambert AI loss that he had yet to leave his house. Are ya kidding me?? The dude is on the verge of losing his job and he won't go to work. His friends are bringing him What-a-burger and such. But...he is "a good daddy" and lets his dog outside. People like this should not be responsible for an animal...perhaps a tiny succulent...but that could be pushing it. Geez...if anyone I knew started going down that path, there would be multiple slaps on the face, copius amounts of frigid water being dumped on the head, and a general "you can do it" pep talk. Not this encouraging of whiny, woe is me, annoying behavior. Friends of this guy--take note: Drive past the What-a-burger and quit enabling. You are just as bad as him.

That being said...I do have a few instances of insanity & frustration where I don't want to leave the house:

when my Colts choked multiple times this past season and did not make it to the Super Bowl

Tom Brady getting married

No more Harry Potter

No more Twilight

The remake of Clue

Anything regarding Paris Hilton

LC leaving the Hills

The long breaks between seasons of Nip/Tuck

CSI without William Peterson

CSI: Miami b/c of David Caruso---I think he can only talk when he is viewed in profile

I could go on for hours...who doesn't have those little things in their life that REALLY freaking bother them? But does my ass climb into bed in a dark room in a fetal position for days in a row?? Nope. So Adam Lambert dude...whomever you are...get a grip...take a swig of Red Bull...and do us all a favor and grow up.

P.S. I was on Team Lambert too...

To the little old man at Walmart...

I know you were delighted to see myself and LaRae walk up get her package checked in. I know we made your day when you pulled the pink bra out of the plastic bag. I know you were impressed by the funbags that must have filled it. I know you have to give us a tag to complete the return. What I don't get is why you chose to elevate the bra while writing the next Great American Novel on your little pad. Were you showing off to your skinny friend? Were you reminiscing about your glory days of panty raids? Were you thinking on how you were going to recount your great fortune to your cigar smoking, shuffleboard playing buddies back at the home? Were you trying to prove to the younger guy waiting behind us that you could still score some undergarments that didn't look like they needed a military intervention to build? Here is to you, little old man at Walmart, and your affection for LaRae's "brashiere".

Seriously??

This just cracks me up...instructions for an umbrella?? Especially an AUTOMATIC OPEN-CLOSE UMBRELLA. Come on people...if you need guidance on how to open an umbrella, somewhere along the line...your life has gone drastically wrong. Do not pass GO, do not collect your $200, just check yourself into a special little place called Blissful Ignorance Institute and spend the rest of your days wondering why that commercial about "hunger pains/pangs" is so dang funny.

Keep a lid on it, butterscotch!

This Friday is date night. Not for Shane & I...but for us and Abby. No little sister involved, just us three. Dinner and Night at the Museum 2 is planned. Abby is obsessed with the first movie so it should be fun. We have realized that since Hannah has come into the picture, that Abby is not getting the undivided attention she used to and we need to make more of an effort to get her that one on one time. So...we are looking forward to a night of chicken nuggets and Sour Patch Kids for our date night. :)

“Tell your friend a lie. If he keeps it secret, then tell him the truth.”

I want to submit a secret, any secret, to PostSecret. But I am not quite sure what to send in. Part of me wants to send in juicy gossip. Part of me wants to send in a regret. Part of me wants to send in a success. Part of me wants to send in a secret that is not even my secret. But all of me wants it to be a cool secret...one that makes everyone stop and say "whoa". Shallow, yes, I realize that. But I cannot wait each Sunday to get up and see what is posted on there. I don't want my secret to be the one that

disappoints...

A daughter is a little girl who grows up to be a friend. ~Author Unknown

Ok...I am telling myself not to cry.  These two little precious girls are mine, all mine.  I carried them, sacrificed my body for them, lost sleep over them, changed countless diapers for them, blended more veggies than I could imagine for them, sang out of tune for them, made goofy faces in church for them, danced to Abba for them, read the same book over and over for them...And I would do it all again and again.  I love to spend time with them and watch them develop as humans.  They have my heart, my soul, my blue eyes, my silliness, but not my blonde hair.  I want to raise respectful, kind, happy, smart, confident daughters...the gorgeous part was already taken care of.  I want them to realize how wonderful they are and what a gift they are to the world.  

I love you Abigail Jean and Hannah Megan.  

just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo

This is not something that I said...it is from my new obsession...a website where people enter in their most unusual texts. http://www.textsfromlastnight.com/ Some of the funniest stuff ever!! It is like crack and a car accident combined...addictive and I cannot turn away. Here are some of my favorites today:

• (314): I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket


• (305): your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise


• (203): Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?


• (303): if i can run in heels then i can drive (MY NEW MANTRA!!!)

God Bless people who are willing to share this stuff!!

The disapperance of eye candy...

No more eye candy for me. No more possibility of a wink in the hallways. No more quiet time in the car in the AM. No more going to lunch or running errands with him. :( Today is Shane's last day at Concept Services. I will miss him more than he wants me to admit.

Mini me...

Whew!! I haven’t blogged in two weeks! My life is just now settling back down to normal…whatever that is. Abby’s birthday week is over…cannot believe she is four! I remember when she was a little peanut. What used to be this tiny, drooling mass of wiggles, is now a little person with whom I can have a 10 minute conversation about a ladybug, the Biggest Loser, or the importance of getting the tag on your shirt in the back. Crazy!! Yes, the 4 going on 14 attitude does wear me thin, but then the high fives when I tie her shoes or the way she pats Hannah on the cheek makes up for it in spades. She is turning into such a little lady. I love the fact I have someone in the world who thinks I am a total rockstar!!

Age does not diminish the extreme disappointment of having a scoop of ice cream fall from the cone.

I just don't know what else to say.

“The best things in life are silly”

Hi.  My name is Julie and I am silly.  I have always been silly and I always will be silly.  I think it is one of my best traits.  I can see it in Abby already and I am delighted.  Silliness, at the right times, can make people smile...and that is the best thing in the world.  

Here are some silly things in my life:

• Abby saying "when people say 'poopy-butt', it makes my heart hurt"
• Shane's face when I do my imitation of his "dice" move
• Cooper saying "oh my gosh", "oh no", "oh jeez" for each step he takes
• JB and Shane discussing "can I make a suggestion?"
• LaRae's & my obsession with panic attacks
• Shanna's talent after a couple beers
• Putt-putt (ask KB)
• Abby wanting to give a gondola as a birthday gift
• My new favorite picture of my best guy...
• Real Housewives of NYC...Team Jill

“Tenderness and kindness are not signs of weakness and despair but manifestations of strength and resolution”

I have made a 2nd New Year's resolution. Yes, I know that is almost April, but...better late than never! And it is more than a resolution...more like a lifestyle change. I am determined to be kinder, more pensive, and less judgemental. Not that I was a raging bitch before, but I feel like I can improve in those areas. I think everyone could. Many things I say/do are misunderstood as being dishonorable, when I am not meaning them in that way. I want to live with more honor and be proud of myself at the end of the day. I want to go to sleep with a clear conscience each night, knowing that I was the best person I could possibly be that day. So here is a small listing of my little ways on my journey to being a higher quality person:

• Giving someone else the last bit of iced tea, while waiting for the next pot to brew
• Not getting angry when that Altima cut me off on the merging lanes
• Taking time to understand why Abby is freaking out, as opposed to rushing to judgement
• Being more concerned for the health of my loved ones
• Biting my lip (very hard)
• Supporting my friends in every aspect of their life
• Eliminating toxic people from my life
• Instead of interjecting my opinion/thoughts/life story when a friend is venting, be a open ear
• Getting more accomplished at work...not that I was slacking, but just need to remain more focused
• SAYING I'M SORRY when apologies are due...not waiting until it is too late
• Less crass, more class
• Trying to keep the f-bomb to a minimum (really freaking hard!)

I have only been on this kick since Friday night, but it is getting easier each day. So hopefully, the "new" me won't be a watered down version of my old self, just a more valuable one.

Brisket, angel food cake and free babysitting...

An odd, but wonderful, combination. Last night was Shane's dad's birthday (59 years young!!) and we went over for dinner. The only job I was given was to slice the brisket. That seems to be my unofficial job when I head over to their house for any meal...slicing the meat. It gives me quite a bit of satisfaction to have this responsibility, since I never thought of myself as a meat-slicing kind of gal. :) We enjoyed this delicious brisket, fresh mashed potatoes, the best baked beans ever (Andrea Frazier...you rock!) and good company. Then, there was angel food cake with strawberries and ice cream. Again, enough food to feed Octomom's brood...never a lack of anything at the Peters' house! Larry made the announcement that the girls were staying with them that night. Wait...dinner, dessert, booze, AND a kiddo free night and morning?? OK...who do I have to kill and where do they live?? So needed and appreciated!

Once we got home, We (being an old married couple) crawled into bed, watched some Intervention and passed out. Getting ready this morning was smooth and simple. No baby talk, no diaper changes, no screaming of "I want to wear my flip flops and party dress to school", no arguing about the merits of braids vs. ponytails. No...the following are the true events of this morning. Long shower...which included exfoliation and double conditioning of my hair. Dried AND curled my hair. Put on my makeup outside of a vehicle for the first time in about 6 months. Ironed Shane's work shirt--I love doing it--very housewife of me. Made smoothies for Shane & I. Peacefully let Jake out and admired the calmness that was surrounding me. All this and still made it to work about 40 minutes EARLY. Is this what my life would be like on a daily basis?? To just worry about Shane and myself? Wow...it would be a drastic change. But not necessarily a good change. I love my hectic mornings. They give me character and make me feel like Superwoman when I don't show up at work looking like a Gremlin on speed. But mini-vacation like this morning is a welcome reprieve every now and then. :)

I don't know whether to keep silent and let people think I am ignorant or open my mouth and release all doubts

At what point does sharing your problems/hopes/dreams/issues with your friends become too much info?  That is a question I have always had.  I live my life like an open book...what you see is what you get.  As I have stated many times before, I am by no means perfect--never have been, never will be.  Why can't I share everything in my life with the people closest to me...it's cathartic to let it all out--the good, the bad & the ugly.  So why is it after I am done unloading, I feel guilty and somewhat dirty??  I am the kind of person who needs that release to send my joys and issues out into the universe where they can be applauded or solved.  But not everyone feels that way.  So...the happy medium is my next goal. 

My favorite jeans...

I don't fit into them. I haven't worn them in well over 7 years. But I am determined to fit into them by late June. When I wear them I feel like a rockstar. This is my only goal now.

A little wood never hurt anyone...

Well...I am in love with my deck.  The minute I step outside, I am blown away by the sheer beauty of it.  As most of you know, I used to have the standard 10x10 concrete slab sticking off the back of my house.  Now, I have this 37 x 11.5 monstrosity you can see from space.  I feel like I have won the contest of who has the bigger set contest.  I spent my Saturday night freezing my ass off drinking ice cold beer.  Yet, I had a completely wonderful time.  The deck has already paid for itself, in that Shane and I spent the best quality time that we have had in quite a few months.  :)  I am continually blessed to have awesome friends and family who helped us out in getting my new favorite place built.  So, if you give me a buzz and I don't answer...bring over a six pack and join me in one of my uber-comfy rockers.  

The two women exchanged the kind of glance women use when no knife is handy.

I think that says it all. I feel somewhat helpless in the fact that I cannot go right up to someone and lay them out with a killer right hook. So evil glances will have to do for now. But if I hear the call "Round 'em up", the tiny bit of Silician in me will come out with a vengence, brass knuckles, cement boots, and a hardcore desire to kick some ass.

Code brown!

As my lovely friend Tylee so eloquently put it, eating like crap for 8 hours after eating healthy for 8 weeks causes major CODE BROWN. Yuck/gross...why share, you ask? It has been an epiphany of sorts for me. If you put crap into your body, crap comes out. I feel lethargic, bloated, crampy, and just generally gross after yesterday's food intake. When I was eating healthy (all of 36 hours ago, mind you), I had energy, felt lighter, and no need to bolt for the bathroom. I was going to do a week of mindless eating, enjoy myself without thinking about calorie counting or fat gram calculations, but I really can't stop thinking about what is going in my mouth (keep your dirty thoughts to yourself!). So...my week of anything goes has shrunk to one splurge a day. And today, it is the lovely Chipotle for lunch.

And it begins again...

The Biggest Loser round 2. Ding, ding, ding...

Well, round 2 is starting up next Monday. No money involved, but there is a fantastic meal prepared for us in the end. I need to lose at least 7 pounds off my current weight to make it to that meal. I am so there. I will be still hitting the gym like a spider monkey, but I will be eating normally...not so obsessed this time. If I get into the 130s, I think I will do a jig buck ass naked on the deck you can see from space...at night of course. :)

Ahh...brisket...my love...

We (brisket & myself) were reunited once again at lunchtime today. Actually, I was reunited with many friends...brisket, Ken's chocolate chip cookies, pizza, baked potato, sweet tea, and banana pudding (not all at the same time, but snacking throughout the morning). And damn...I am feeling the effects. I have not consumed that much in 2 months. The cookies came and went like a hurricane...destructive, leaving me spent and tired. Epiphany time...I cannot eat like this anymore. I feel gross and extremely overstuffed, and when I look back and realize that the lunch I ate today used to just be a blip on my daily meal intake. No wonder I was a fatty. I know now that this is no longer a casual meal, but a MAJOR splurge...calorie-wise and stomach-wise. It is just not worth it to me anymore. For the last couple of weeks, down the home stretch of my two month sabbatical from everything delicious, I realized that I am OBSESSED with food. Why?? It is not like the food I eat is made by Flay/Deen/Morimoto, garnished with black truffles/fresh microgreens/best cheddar money can buy. No, it is prepared in a flash, with little or no thought, or taste, for that matter. I am not just a foodie, but I have realized I am an EXPENSIVE foodie. I crave the menus from Top Chef and the Food Network, not Chili's or Taco Bell. I need to curb this obsession and find something else to drool over.

I am not the biggest loser...

Well, the two months has come and gone. I lost 14 pounds overall, which I shouldn't bitch about TOO much. I am fitting into clothes that I haven't worn in about 2 years and am going to keep going.

I want to thank:

• Shane for telling me how cute I look--therefore keeping me wanting to step up my game
• LaRae for keeping my ass at the gym
• Abby for patting my belly this morning and pronouncing that there is no more Hannah belly

My new goal is 100 pounds + my age by my birthday in May. So...I have about 14 more pounds to go. I am taking a well deserved week off...and then back on the wagon...

Disheartened...

I feel fat.  The night before THE weigh in...I feel fat.  Bloated and flabby.  Yuck.  I have probably consumed no more than 1000 calories all weekend, but I feel fat.  I went to the gym tonight for a last chance workout, as well to see where I stand for tomorrow's weigh in.  Worst fears confirmed...up 1.5#.  So freaking pissed off right now, I want to march into Maggie Moo's, grab a spoon and go to town.  I have worked so hard and felt that I might actually be able to do this...up until now.  Well,  we shall see how my mood is tomorrow by 8:30am.  Pray for me...

Pump your breaks kid...

How do some people feel that it is okay to continually act high and mighty?? I am sick and tired of being talked to like a two year old by someone who really is stepping out of line on a daily basis. I can take teasing (get ready b/c I dish it out too!), but don't talk to me like you have every answer to all of my questions. Riddle me this...why are you such a tool? Ok...that was a little harsh, but I know that I have backup on it. I know what I am doing...no need to question my every step. How does it feel when I do it?? I can see the wheels turning with questionable comebacks...bring it on! Tooting my own horn time...I can insult (seriously or jokingly) with the best of them...zingers will be flying out of my mouth faster than tequila shots being drank in Mexico.

Karma...Ain't it a bitch!

I really should not wish ill will on anyone...but sometimes I cannot help myself. The tool from South Carolina who cut me off, slammed on his brakes and gave me the finger was pulled over by a good ole boy in a black & white less than 2 minutes later. The crazy pit bull lady in my neighborhood who runs with her dog's leash around HER neck jogging smack in to a parked Explorer after yelling at me for looking scared at her dog running freely 25 yards away from her. Don't get me wrong, I have had my fair share of moments where I know I was being "paid back" for a wrongdoing or evil thought. I am by no means perfect. This knowledge does not stop me from getting more than the teeniest, tiniest bit of pleasure out of the fact that I am pretty damned happy with my life right now, while the jerks of the world get what is coming to them. Yes, I wish I had Elle McPherson's legs (as I am sure Shane does too) and a house that was paid off (again, I am pretty sure Shane would not mind that either...), but other than that, I truly have no complaints.

Time for a brag session:

1. Husband who loves me
2. Two freaking adorable daughters
3. Health
4. Roof over my head
5. Both of us are gainfully employed
6. Great family
7. Fantastic friends
8. I still have all of my teeth, hair & limbs
9. I am within 6 pounds of being lighter than I have been in 5 years!
10. A new deck that can be seen from space
11. Cute purple shoes that do not hurt my feet....That in itself is reason to celebrate!
12. 82 degrees in February...puff clouds and blue skies

I am definitely tempting fate with that last one. I need to stop there. I really must have paid some dues over the past decade to deserve everything I mentioned and everything I haven't. I need to start being more grateful for everything I have. So if you hear me bitching about the dog peeing on the carpet (which needs to get replaced anyways), or about how my ass seriously needs to stop muffin-topping out of the back of my jeans, or about how I want to go postal at the Estes headquarters, or about anything else...remind me that my life could be a lot worse...at least my picture is not being passed for a Redneck woman mugshot (that one is for Dana, LaRae, & Shanna--God Bless 4-wheeling!!).

Seeing as I am a "good" Catholic girl...

...I am still debating what to give up for Lent. The usual suspects are rearing their ugly heads...dessert/alcohol/fast food/fried foods...but seeing as the hardcore dieting ends on Monday, I will be partaking in some, if not all, of them Monday for lunch. I love to curse and NEED to give it up, but because I get into a vehicle multiple times a day in Austin traffic, cursing is not going away either. So what will it be?? HELP! I have about 15 hours to figure it out.

P.S. I am not in that picture...just thought it was entertaining....

6.3 to go...

Okay...so I lost about 2.5 from last week, but I have 6.3 to go for the next 6 days...can it be done?? Probably not healthily (sp?). I really want/need/desire to win this damned contest and am craving red meat, cheese, dessert (warm cookies in particular), and an alcoholic beverage. If I win...this WILL be my meal on Monday night...

I am the one under the red banner...

3rd place is okay, but it is still the 2nd loser...

I am pretty pissed...I gained 1.4 this week and have lost my 2 week reign at the top. I did not spulrge like crazy and am pretty confused. I knew I would plateau...but I was kind of blindsided by the gain. I have just under 2 weeks to go and I need to get going. The weight needs to come off.

Yawn...

I am tired and lacking motivation. That is all.

Baggy pants

So now that I have lost 13 pounds, I am running into a slight dihlemma. My pants are a) getting too baggy & b) getting too long as a result of sitting lower and lower on my hips. My favorite pants were drenched about 3 inches up the leg this morning b/c of the dragging issue. Not cool. The only thing I hate more than wet hemlines is wet socks...don't even get me started! So...if, I mean, when I win the $$, I will have to invest about $70 of it getting my favorite clothes to where I need them to fit on my body...which kind of pisses me off. Oh well...maybe I will just buy new clothes. :)

Total weight loss: 13 pounds

Milestone...

I reached 400+ calories burned at lunch. Usually, it is around 340-375, but today, LaRae and I kicked ass and took names. WOO-HOO!! It may not sound like a lot to some, but this is a big deal for me. Now I want to go VanDamme someone. Any volunteers??

I love the fact that even though towards the end, I was convinced I was going to die, I kept churning my legs. I am infatuated with my endurance levels now...I AM A MACHINE.

**Side note: I had not the burger dream last night...this time it was Panda Express' lo mein & orange chicken dream. I need to stop dreaming about food...I am turning over a new leaf. Any suggestions for dream ideas? :)

Laughter

I think it is my unheralded mission in life to make people laugh. Not in the "look at me, praise me, open-mic" way, but just by being silly and quick on my feet. I seriously enjoy hearing the laughter that I cause. It is like a natural high. I can be goofy or completely deadpan sarcastic...but cheesily, half the time I make myself giggle too. Now I know you should not laugh at your own jokes (Carlos Mencia), but sometimes I can't help it. I like to laugh too. Nothing is better than getting a friend who was about to meltdown in front of you to render limp with laughter. So you better watch out, LaRae...your ass is going to fall off of the elliptical tomorrow!!

OUCH!!!

My pants are tight on my waist. But this is a good thing. They are the medium size of the three sizes haunting my closet right now. I could not wear these at Christmas time. My workouts and lack of wonderfully dreamy burgers are working. But I feel fatter today b/c my waistband is digging in. Every bite of an almond hurt. I keep telling myself that they are smaller, but I just feel bigger in them. I need to keep chugging and lose 5 more so I won't feel like a stuffed sausage.

Total weight loss: 10 pounds (1st for now in the contest!)

Don't be a boob...

After two pregnancies and two kids, my body is out of whack. Now, I don't look like some freaky before picture on a plastic surgery website, but it is just not where it was about 5 years ago. So...Shanna and I decided to kill time on the surgery websites. Some of the results were all cock-eyed, some looked decent, and some looked like porn star rejects. And who comes strolling into our room just as I claim "these are the ones I want!"? The plotter dude...looking stunned at the images on my monitor. I just about died laughing and Shanna was having a hard time keeping a straight face while talking about ink heads.

As much as I wish I had still had the set that existed before kiddos, part of me is still a big ass chicken. Could I go through it?? What if they turned out to be too big?? Too little?? Off center?? Don't even get me started on cross-eyed or the dreaded lazy eye! If I could ensure perfection, I would sign up tomorrow...no questions asked. But there are no guarantees. Just some joker shoving a potentially lethal hacky sack into my chest cavity.

But...I still want them...

I miss my baby...

It is so hard to look at my computer monitor each day. It makes me so happy that I have been blessed with a 2nd beautiful, sweet, happy baby. She and her big sister are the reason I trod through the work day every day. However, that same sweet face makes me so sad. I want to be there for each of her waking moments...and the ones where she is sweetly sleeping. It kills me when I have to leave her in the morning, only to get home with her and usually only have 90 minutes before she goes back asleep. Today was pretty rough since most of the morning was in anticipation of Shane bringing her here after her Dr. appointment today. She was perfectly charming and snuggly to everyone, drank her bottle and proceeded to sleep in her car seat next to my desk. In my mind I was thinking..."this isn't bad, I could totally get work done." I made phone calls to vendors while feeding Hannah and kept going. I wish in a parallel universe I could spend the quality time I want with Hannah and Abby, yet still get in my much coveted adult interaction time. Oh the dilemma the working mom has to figure out. I am still working on how to be content with my situation. But in the meantime, I will just gaze at my dolly, waiting to give her kisses all over her face.

We know what you do in your spare time...

Yes, the octuplets in CA are a miracle of modern science. And I am sure that they are adorable and wonderful. They are also born out of the pure determination of a woman who single handedly wants to take on the Duggar family. The chick (I cannot stomach calling her a lady) has 6, yes 6, other children under the age of 8 at home. Correction: at her PARENT'S home!! Excuse me!!! At some point as a parent, you either super-glue your daughter's legs together, lock her up in a closet, or seriously slap some sense into her obviously vacant brain cavity. This girl likes getting busy WAY too much. To quote Fergie, "the girl can't help it." I am not stating that a large family does not have its' benefits--lots of love, never a lonely child, your own show on TLC--but doing it on your own, at your parents' house, is NOT the way to have a large family...unless your name is Dixie, you have shaggy golden hair, and have your babies in a box under the stairs.

Chiquita Banana!!!

I just felt like say, wait, yelling that to add some spice to today's dullness. This morning has dragged like none I have had in a loooooong time. I cannot get motivated to work today. My mind keeps drifting off to homeowners' taxes, Easter dresses, dinner plans for V-day, Shanna's cool scarf and how I wish the Ab Lounge folded flat. None of which are helping me enter in freight charges. It doesn't help that about 7 dozen conversation hearts are staring me in the face right now, begging for me to ingest their sugary goodness.
Yet, I am resisting temptation and munching on my Kashi granola bar, anticipating my workout at the gym. My parents are making pot roast tonight for dinner and I can already smell the savory onions, potatoes and carrots. Mouth-watering. Yet, I won't overeat and attempt to keep myself in check. I will let you know how it goes...

Burger dreams...

This sucks...I am now having burger dreams. Not just an ordinary burger. THE BURGER.

• Medium rare



• Colby cheese



• Thick cut bacon



• Plenty of pickles, tomatoes & shredded lettuce



• Mustard



• Slices of avocado



• On a TOASTED bun

I am in deep trouble when all I can dream about is a burger. Not Tom Brady, muscle cars, the beach, or any combo of the above...but a goddamned burger. I should be dreaming of sprouts, Fiber One cereal and the elliptical machine. Instead, a burger haunts me at night. I am more than in trouble...I am in my OWN PERSONAL HELL!!!

And you think your job sucks....

Once again...The Grimace has come through with yet another adolescent story:

SAN DIEGO -- A mistrial was declared Monday when a home-invasion robbery suspect smeared human feces on his attorney's face then threw more at the jury.
Weusi McGowan, 37, was upset because San Diego Superior Court Judge Jeffrey Fraser refused to remove Deputy Alternate Public Defender Jeffrey Martin from the case, prosecutor Christopher Lawson said.
At the mid-morning break, McGowan produced a plastic baggie filled with fecal matter and spread it on Martin's hair and face, then flung the excrement toward the jury box, hitting the briefcase of juror No. 9 but missing the juror himself.

"That juror didn't even see it coming," Lawson said.
The prosecutor said the defendant was compliant after the outburst and was taken into custody without further incident.
After lunch, Fraser dismissed the jury, telling them McGowan would have to get a new lawyer and that his trial would be delayed.
The judge scheduled a status conference for Feb. 9 and raised the defendant's bail from $250,000 to $1 million, finding he is a danger to the community.
Lawson said McGowan originally became upset last week when he claimed one of the jurors saw him in shackles as he entered the courtroom. Fraser dismissed all jurors who saw the defendant in shackles, the prosecutor said.
"The judge had been very fair," Lawson said. "All jurors who saw it were dismissed."
Fraser had also denied McGowan's attempt to represent himself, saying the request was untimely, Lawson said.
The prosecutor said the defendant had previously wiped human feces on himself and was examined by doctors to ensure he was mentally competent to stand trial.
McGowan is charged with kidnapping for robbery, assault with a deadly weapon and other counts and could face assault charges in connection with the attack on his attorney and jury, Lawson said.
The prosecutor said the defendant hit a man with a rock in a sock as the victim came out of his home to investigate a commotion on Oct. 17, 2007.
McGowan allegedly ransacked the man's apartment then stole some of the victim's belongings and took off in the victim's car.
He was arrested 20 minutes later, Lawson said.

Side note...I have been called for jury duty in the beginning of February...I will go medieval on someone if poop is thrown my way.

Open mouth, insert foot...

Yep...as we all are guilty of sometimes...I am on the long list of people who consistently puts their foot in their mouth (or on my keyboard...whatever!). I really try to word things to where I am perfectly clear and unoffensive to those dear to me, but sometimes my mouth runs faster and my hands type faster than they should. All of my posts will always try to be light-hearted and fun...but you will know when I mean business. So, please, please, please, if you see my foot headed towards my mouth, slap it away. If you can't get there in time, understand that I mean no harm.

Total weight loss: 7.2 pounds

Chalk one up for the big girls...

I got in two workouts this weekend and I am feeling good.  I have more energy and confidence than I have had in a long time!  The girls and I went to the outlets today to kill some time...looking for tights for Abby was my goal (found 3 pairs).  When I got to Gap, I found their super comfortable yoga capri pants on sale...and guess what size I got??  MEDIUM!!  My rear has not been in medium STRETCH pants in a very, very long time.  Now I am not saying that they are baggy or falling off my emaciated body, but I felt good enough in them to go in public.  I graced Gold's Hester with my presence tonight and burned about 310 calories...just a quick one.  And that is where the hijinks started.  I had what seemed to be a first timer at the gym next to me on the elliptical...huffing & puffing on level one (perspective...I was at 13).  She REALLY needed to step it up if you catch my drift.  So Big Fun and I were chugging away on the elliptical when brunette Barbie hops on the stair climber directly in front of Big Fun, who was not amused.  I believe the words "skinny bitch" and "vomit queen" were uttered.  So Barbie starts showing off...skipping stairs, doing leg lifts and walking backwards on the stairs...showing off, all the while not breaking a sweat.  Big Fun was getting more and more pissed, when lo and behold, Barbie (in the middle of a leg lift) does a face plant on the stairs.  I am not even kidding.  I (who am going to hell) had to stifle a giggle before genuine concern settled in.  No stifling or concern came from Big Fun.  The comment that was said straight faced (not whispered) was "Chalk one up for the big girls".  I just about fell off the machine...thank God I had just finished my water, because that would have easily shot out of my nose.  Just about the funniest damned thing I had heard in a long time.  

Grow a pair...

Hate to get obnoxious, but grow a pair. I am tired of hearing women--grown up, somewhat put-together, independent women--being doormats for their SO's/parents/kiddos. It is ridiculous. Being accomodating is one thing...being completely submissive is totally different. Quit letting people walk all over you. Tell your children "no". Tell your parents that you are 30 and no longer need unsolicited advice. Tell your SO that you do not need parenting, you need his support and love. Consider his feelings, but don't forget yours. So, grow a pair and be proud of who you are...we like you that way.

Waiting...

This may sound pathetic, cheesy, or downright old fashioned...but here I am painting my toenails waiting for the clock to strike 10:30pm when good old Shane will be walking through the door.  He's been gone since Tuesday morning and I miss him.  As much as I sometimes want to choke the crud out of him (and he to me, I'm sure), I miss him terribly when he is gone.  It's not really the warm (snoring) body in bed next to me.  It's not really the lovey-dovey glances he never gives me.  It's the way he tells me he loves me and still thinks I am cute by smacking the hell out of my rear when he walks by...still makes him (and me) smile.  :)  So here I am, waitin' for my man to be home, getting purdy.  Love you babe!

This is worse than that time the raccoon got in the copier!

That is how I am feeling right now...like a slug.  I can't keep any nutrients in me and can't stop shaking.  No, I am not going through a withdrawl of any kind...just worn out and sick.  Yuck.  My girls are with my mom and Shane is in cold ass Milwaukee, so I am by my lonesome, lethargic as hell, laying on the couch...trying to keep food in.  Yuck.  Hopefully, tomorrow I can make it to work...I am going to drive myself crazy!  

***If anyone can let me know where that quote came from, I will love you!!***

The scale is a groaning!!!

OK...I know from watching a billion seasons of Biggest Loser that the week two weigh-in is always the smallest...Some even gain weight. However, me and my overachieving butt lost a whopping .8 pounds!! Woo-hoo!! I have maintained my third place status. I need to kick it into gear so I can move up in the ranks. I missed my Thursday and Friday workouts, but dragged my tired ass to the gym on Saturday and Sunday, as well as strapped Hannah (aka sack of cute potatoes) to my chest and walked with Abby to the playground. I think my body is starting to respond to the workouts. My arms feel tighter and I do have more energy.

I also dropped serious coin yesterday at the HEB and bought healthy, yet flavorful food. Last night, I cooked my low glycemic pasta, with organic garlic lovers (I love my breath!!) sauce with an package of calamari and a extra can of crushed tomatoes. Abby declared it a victory and so did I. We both had two servings. YUM!! I was pretty proud of myself for passing (read:running) past the cake mixes and brownies and picking up a small army's worth of sugar free/fat free pudding and Jell-O packets....small victories, people!!

My workout on Friday night was great...minds out of the gutter!! I went with Shane to the Water Tank for Sarah's & Shanna's birthdays and stuck to my Diet Coke binge. I nearly knocked Shanna out to inhale her chicken nachos and had to sit on my hands when I was offered decadent cheese fries about 50 times...but I resisted. THEN, we went to Graham's. Me and my 4" heels (that I had been wearing ALL DAY) danced/two stepped/booty shook until we could not do it anymore. I kicked off the shoes and kept going. (I was wearing socks...I am not one of those people who goes barefoot at a bar!) I ripped off my sweater and looped through a belt loop and kept going. We stayed until last call and had a blast. I have to give much props to Shane for kicking it with me on the dance floor for the majority of the night...whirling and twirling me...WAY out of his comfort zone. :)

Total weight lost: 5.2 pounds

Happy Birthday Sweating to the Oldies!!

“There'll always be some weird thing about eating four grapes before you go to bed, or drinking a special tea, or buying this little bean from El Salvador.”

Sweating to the Oldies turns 20. Richard Simmons just makes this world a little bit shinier each day he is around. Candy striped shorts and tank tops with Swarovski crystals on a daily basis...wish I could be that fancy without the people around me looking at me like I was sniffing glue. Whether you are laughing at his flamboyant personality or his exuberant, almost manic, mannerisms, you still smile when you see or hear him. So raise your glass and join me in saluting R-Dogg...the duke of dieting, exercise, and loving yourself!!

Picky?? Yes. Crazy?? Hell no!!!

How many damned emails am I going to get/articles I am going to read where the grammar/punctuation/spelling is not on point?? Once I see a mistake, that is all I can fixate on. I know MSNBC/CNN/YAHOO have people to check the dreck they churn out each day....seriously...I would never let that shit slide past me. It aggravates me to no end. Don't even get me started on the Uan train...LaRae...back me up!!!

Craziness in Tampa

Yesterday, The Grimace was bugging me to blog about a monkey who was throwing feces in Tampa. Needless to say, I took his idea for a blog with a grain of salt. This is the guy who violates the fax machines and LaRae's bananas here at the office. However, I googled "Monkey throwing feces in Tampa" (Lord only knows what IT thinks of me!!) and lo and behold, there it was....

Feces-throwing monkey on the loose in Tampa Bay

CLEARWATER, Fla. – Wildlife officials said a rhesus monkey known to throw feces when mad is on the loose in Tampa Bay. Authorities have been trying to capture the primate since Tuesday afternoon, but it managed to evade a bucket truck and tranquilizer dart.
Gary Morse with the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission says the adult male is thought to have escaped from an unlicensed source. It was last seen in Clearwater.
The monkey is not considered dangerous.

All I have to say is "Bravo Chris"...for finding the most random news article yesterday. And I will never doubt you when it comes to poop news stories ever again....

Wallpaper paste and grapefruit....

Well, I am on week 2 of the Biggest Loser contest here at work. I am not only determined to do this for the coin, but I am tired of avoiding the camera. Every picture of myself in the last 5 months reminds me that I was on the right track right after I had Hannah, but then completely f-ed up. 2 weeks after I had her, I was within 2 pounds of my pre-pregnancy weight. When I weighed in last Monday, I had GAINED 8 pounds and was at the heaviest in my life when not pregnant. Absolutely ridiculous!! I deserve to feel better and look better. What doesn't help is that Shane has lost about 12 pounds in the same amount of time...ain't that some BS. I don't want us to be the skinny guy with the fat assed wife.

So this is what I am tired of:

• my stomach resembling raw biscuit dough
• double digit jeans
• three chins
• feeling tired
• the bad parts of my body jiggling while the parts that should jiggle don't!!
• my legs causing so much friction when I walk, that I nearly start a fire

This is what I want to become:

• Shane's hot wife
• the skinny sister
• crazy active
• a gym rat (again)
• wearer of bikini
• my age plus 100#

Even if I don't win the contest, I still want to meet my goal. No, I need to meet my goal. So here I am, eating my wallpaper paste (oatmeal) and half grapefruit, anticipating going to the gym at lunch with my buddy Nicole, all to make MYSELF happy...no one else.

Week 1 loss: 4.4 pounds